That Doesn’t Go There

24 May

By Hannah
3rd Grade

Sam was a nine-year-old boy. When he was only a couple of months old his mom put his diaper on his head instead of between his legs. Ever since then, he thought that it was right to wear underwear on your head.

When he went to school he tried to tell other classmates to wear their underwear on their heads. None of them listened because they knew it was a bad habit of Sam’s. Nobody wanted to be his friend because they thought he was weird. He still wore Pull-ups and wanted to show everybody his Dora The Explorer Pull-ups. No one wanted to be his friend because they were going to be embarrassed to be seen with Sam.

He decided he had to get rid of the bad habit if he was going to get friends. He became potty trained without having to use Pull-ups. Then he glued all of his underwear to his dresser. “There,” he said. “Weird stuff that I don’t need!” He strutted out of the room, satisfied with his work.

His mom saw what he had done and yelled, “Samuel John McPherson! What on earth do you think you are doing?! A thing like that! What are you, two?”

Sam replied, “I’m doing it so that people will like me! And I’m not two. I’m nine!”

His mom said, “Unglue it right now or you are going to get THE BAD FOOD TREATMENT!”

“Oh no! Not THE BAD FOOD TREATMENT!” Sam cried. “I will unglue it right away!”

And he did it in a jiffy!

After it was all unglued, he needed a new way to get rid of his underwear. So he threw it away, although he loved his underwear so much. Again satisfied with his work, he left his room.

His mom was spying on him and gave him the hairy eyeball, which means, “Oh, really? Do you think you are going to get away with that?” His mom took the underwear out of the trash can and put it in Sam’s dresser.

Sam came back and saw his underwear in his dresser. “What! Is this magic underwear or something like that?”

This time he had a hard time throwing it away. Shoulder angels popped up.

“Do it for the best,” said the devil angel.

“No! No! You like your underwear too much. Even if throwing it away gives you friends, will that make you happy?” said the good angel.

Sam had a thought. “Maybe I should wear it in between my legs like the rest of my family.”

He did that, and flowers, butterflies, and cotton candy leaped out with joy.

It felt so good he put on the rest of his underwear. He stole his mother’s and father’s underwear and wore it over his own. When his parents had no underwear, they didn’t know who took it. They thought Sam didn’t like his underwear.

When they saw Sam wearing all their underwear he got the BAD FOOD TREATMENT. They made him eat rotten food for twenty-five days. After twenty-five days were up, he only wore one pair of underwear at a time, and the underwear was not his parents’.

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